Dotun Roy
It could only happen in this part of the world, when some people would just decide to go on drugs and injection over other people’s ailment. We are fond of maiming and killing one another over issues that are suppose to be personal such as marriage. Yes, marriage is good and honourable according to the scripture. However, nobody should be subjected to any sort of ridicule or be disrespected simply because he or she is yet to be married or even if he/she decides to remain single, as long as no law in Nigeria criminalises being single.
In this part of the world, society places a lot of demands and expectations on us which we have out of ignorance incorporated as part of the norm. I personally consider this unwholesome and insensitive. Now picture this, just because society expected you to have been married at a particular age and you are not, you become a subject of every discussion consequently tagged cursed, possessed and irresponsible and that marks the beginning of your crime. How clueless! The other day, a guy was sharing his experience with me on how he was denied a contract when he disclosed his marital status as being a single man even at 37. Imagine!
It is true marriage comes with its own blessings, since it was the first institution created by God himself. But common! we need to respect other poeple’s decisions when it comes to issue like marriage. Quite a number of reasons have been adduced as to why many people are still single or decide to maintain their single status.
- Socio-economic Reason: It has been proven by sociology experts that only 5 out of 100 men would marry early say in their 20s by 2025, due to socio-economic factors, which is already happening here and around the globe. Most Graduates struggle throughout their 20s and part of their 30s searching for jobs. With that, no one would think about settling down.
- Pscychological/Emotion Reason: Marriage is not for babies who are still tied to their mothers’ aprons. It is for those who are ripe enough to perceive the distinction between when taking good or bad decisions. It is for men not boys, likewise for women not just a girl. And before you roll out drums and begin to feel on top of the world that you’re now man enough to have been married: there are significant numbers of married babies, who do not know their left from right! However, the unmarried ones might still be indecisive and unsure in decision making and always seeking parents’ opinion in everything. Don’t get this wrong, being psychologically balance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek advice from your parent. However, it is should be minimal not to the point of dictating and spelling everything out for you.
- Spirituality Reason: Marriage is more spiritual than carnal. It has been proven that women have more sensitive spiritual anntenna in this aspect more than men do. It is one of the reason EVE was able to lure Adam to eating the Apple…lol Therefore, women are highly wired to seduce anyman. Unmarried person who are still spiritually dull as a man may be caught in web of whom to choose for a wife particularly with tons of desperate ladies prowling around, who would do anything to lure men.
- Goals and Dreams Reason: We all desire to be fulfilled in life. I mean if you ask me, life itself is about fulfilment. So there are times people don’t just feel they are hitting their target/goals in life. This may be in their field of endeavour, bussiness, dreams, education and even purpose. And quote me anywhere, marriage or relationship suffers when you are overly busy and engrossed chasing after your dreams, goals or career. One has to be put on hold for one!
One of these four reasons could be why that unattached sprinters or bachelors in your areas are still single. We should as a society learn to pause and ask why before labelling these people “Unfinished” Furthermore, We should consider not doing things that would put our happiness in jeopardy simply because of societal expectations. Thinking of the horror of having to live with someone you don’t trully love for the rest of your life is one awful reality, that I’m yet to comprehend.
My grouse here is, you would see some married women who gossip every single “unattached sprinter” around them, even though, they, themselves live in perpetual torture, pains and regrets of marrying the wrong men! So why the fuss? When in scriptures, being single and celibate is no sin. It is when you are single and fornicating that you have queries to answer before God. Although, celibacy is not an easy thing which is why everyone is trying to stay married!
Above all, our society need to learn to support ‘the unmarried ones’ and desist from turning them into objects of mockery. Countless ladies have committed suicide as a result of constant rejection and unfair treatment meted out on them by the society they live in and even their immediate families who are expected to understand their situation and gave necessary moral support for them to be able to pull through. The least anyone can do for them is prayer and words of encouragment, and not perceiving them as social misfits. And if you cannot offer any of these, I would advise, ‘live and let live! As for you who is about rushing into that marriage just because of what people might say or call you. Know that if you rush in you will rush out! And just to like a popular actor who once had a failed marriage said, “Marriage is like a parcel, you may never know what’s inside until you open it” Enjoy your Weekend!